Truth and Responsibility [OR] The Cult of Parenting

There's something bothering me right now, so I'm taking a few precious moments away from my packing to get this off my chest.

And no, it's not the radioactive green color of my poop. I think I've just been going overboard on the Lucky Charms lately. Damn those delicious marshmallow clovers!!

No, there is actually something else on my mind right now.

It's the amount of power people give children. I just don't get it. I don't assign any fault to nonparents, like my dad (yes, I do consider him a nonparent, and we'll likely get into that at a later time), who just don't understand anything about raising children because they've never taken this task on day-in and day-out and simply lack the wisdom that comes from the full-time parenting experience.

Nonparents are perfectly entitled to be baffled by the mysterious ways of child development. A little education might do you good, but some lessons can only be learned through experience. It's not your fault. Really.

No, it's the amount of power parents are willing to give their children that concerns me so much right now.

I've seen some parents who seem to be afraid of their children. How can you be afraid of something so much smaller than you? To be fair, it's not really a physical fear, so much as it is an emotional one. C'mon, folks! You set the rules, and it is up to you to require obedience. You are not your child's friend, so don't seek their approval. Children need boundaries and discipline, and they will only abuse and take advantage of your weak parenting.

Other parents worship their children. We've all seen those doting parents, like Cartman's mom, who think their children can do no wrong. Or the parent who (erroneously) thinks their child is somehow "better" than the rest because this particular offspring possesses some (non)unique talent, such as intelligence, athletic ability, or beauty. They parade their child around like some kind of trophy, demanding special allowances be made for their "special" child, and end up creating a monster in the process.

I'm certainly not arguing that children have an inherent tendency toward evil that needs to be beaten out of them or constantly monitored to keep in check. No, that smacks too much of religious fundamentalism.

The idea that children are all pureness and light is just as ludicrous. This is what has me so worked up right now: the parents of these so-called "Indigo Children." These parents believe their children have some kind of special power (in extreme cases) or that their children are somehow evolved beyond normal humanity (in more typical cases). Take a look at this description of what an indigo child is.

Excuse me, but what they describe is simply a spoiled brat. This is the result of raising your child without rules, boundaries, limitations, etc; they think they are above rules and don't understand why they should be applied to them.

I tend more toward John Locke and his philosophy of the tabula rasa ("blank slate"). Children are born with few tendencies toward anything (obviously, there are some behaviors like alcohol abuse or depression which we may be more prone to through genetics); it is environment, especially the influence of caregivers, which shapes the way children learn and develop.

This is not to say that we have no control over what type of people we are, of course. But as children we are largely shaped by our parents or other primary caregivers, and as we become adults we make decisions for ourselves and become the people we are. This is the very reason why we are raised by adults and eventually move out on our own; in the beginning we lack the wisdom and common sense to make responsible decisions on our own, and it is the responsibility of the parent to impart their wisdom and teach us the lessons we need to become adults. Yes, it is possible to learn these lessons on your own, but that is a much more difficult task, and many people fail without the proper preparations provided by parents and other caregivers.

Sheesh, talk about consonance. Try saying that last sentence three times fast.

Children who are never taught right from wrong, who are never taught about personal responsibility and accountability, who aren't required to show respect for others, etc, do not usually "grow" into these things. More often than not, they grow up to be amoral monsters who don't understand the harm they inflict on others with their selfish ways. In many cases, they do not seek specifically to hurt people; they simply don't understand the effects of their actions.

They may not possess the magical powers of little Anthony, but they can be every bit as dangerous to those around them.

Children who are taught early on the "why's" of right and wrong, personal responsibility toward self and others, and who are held accountable for their actions, on the other hand, will often grow up to be responsible, respectable adults -- or at least, they will be as children until they grow up and choose otherwise.

I simply don't understand how misguided parents can be. I don't understand this willingness to relinquish control to someone who cannot begin to match your experience and wisdom, to let them control your life.

Maybe, had these people chosen not to follow their children, they would have eventually joined a cult. Such is their insatiable need to find meaning in something outside themselves.

Even at my worst a few years ago, when I lacked any motivation to shape my life, I still didn't let my children control me. I have always been a strict disciplinarian (if anything, I have become a more laid-back parent as I've taken more control over the rest of my life). The changes I made in my life were not made because of my children alone; had they not been in my best interests as well, I would not have made them. Yes, I make decisions concerning my life in regard to how they affect my children, but their concern rarely overrides my own.

Yes, my children place limitations on my career choices, where I live, who I can date, who is willing to date me, what car I drive, how I spend my free time, etc. On the other hand, I could just as easily have had abortions or given my children up for adoption; I may still have eventually made similar decisions to those I've made as a parent, with or without my amazing children.

But the choices that come with having children were also beneficial to me, so I chose to keep them and raise them with all the love and discipline I can give. In the end, I'm happier with things this way. My career path may not be exciting, but it is reliable and interesting enough. I consider the safety of my home and car more than I did in the past, which is always a good thing. I spend less time drinking and smoking pot, and doing things that are healthier and more worthwhile -- another plus.

And, oh no, I'm pickier about the guys I date because I shouldn't expose them (my children, that is) to unnecessary harm! Oh, some guys who are too selfish or immature are automatically repelled by motherliness! Eh, so I have better built in screening. Big deal.

Please, don't get me wrong. I love my children more than anything. Through raising them I've learned many wonderful things and grown personally in ways I probably could not have without them. My children are unique and special, but so are all living things; therefore, my children are just as bound by the rules as everyone else, and they deserve the same love and commitment to preparations for adulthood as any other child.

My point, of course, is this: Parents who let their children control them are creating monsters. Parenting is a great responsibility, and one which should be carefully considered before jumping headlong into. Those who aren't up to the task, who aren't strong enough to set limits, who are so weak and looking for guidance that they are willing to surrender themselves to the supposed superiority of their own children, ought to pass. Maybe you should consider a dog, cat, or better yet a fish. Something that won't survive you and end up perpetuating your misguided behavior. The last thing society needs is even more self-absorbed, amoral nit-wits hell-bent on shaping the world and its rules to suit them.