Pirates, Crichton, Spielberg, and Koepp: Who Could Ask for Anything More?

I just so happened to stumble across this article regarding a project to make a movie.

Not just any movie. A pirate movie.

And not just any pirate movie, but one based on a book by Michael Crichton (being published posthumously).

And not just any adaptation of a Crichton novel, but one with a script possibly written by David Koepp (adapted Jurassic Park and The Lost World) and produced -- possibly even directed -- by Steven Spielberg.



Here's a description of the novel:

The Caribbean, 1665. A remote colony of the English crown, the island of Jamaica holds out against the vast supremacy of the Spanish empire. Devoid of London's luxuries, Port Royal, its capital, is a cutthroat town of taverns, grog shops, and bawdy houses. In this steamy climate, life can end swiftly by dysentery — or dagger. But for a daring soul like Captain Edward Hunter, this wild outpost in the New World can also lead to great fortune, if he abides by the island's code. In the name of His Majesty King Charles II of England, gold in Spanish hands is gold for the taking and the law of the land rests with those ruthless enough to make it.

Word in port is that the Spanish galleon El Trinidad, fresh from New Spain, is awaiting repairs in nearby Matanceros. Heavily fortified, the impregnable Spanish harbor is guarded by the bloodthirsty Cazalla, a favorite commander of King Philip IV. With the Jamaican governor's backing, Hunter assembles a crew of ruffians to infiltrate the enemy island and commandeer the galleon and its fortune in Spanish gold. The raid is as perilous as the bloodiest tales of Matanceros legend, and Hunter will lose more than one man before he makes it onto the island's shores, where dense jungle and the firepower of Spanish infantry stand between him and the treasure.

With the help of his cunning band, Hunter hijacks El Trinidad and escapes the deadly clutches of Cazalla, leaving plenty of carnage in his wake. But the danger — and adventure — are only just beginning...

The book will be released November 24, 2009. The movie is still in the very earliest phases.

What is a Woman?

This is a question I've been asking myself since the Caster Semenya gender scandal gained popularity last week.

It's interesting, being a woman and suddenly asking myself what makes me think I am a woman. Or what makes me classify other women as women.


Is it our long hair? Certainly not, since many men wear their hair long and many women wear theirs short.


Is it our curves? The indentation at the waist, the full breasts, or the pouting lips? Happily, I think not; otherwise, I (and many popular models) would not be considered women because of our nearly flat chests and lack of any real curviness. Then, too, are those who've undergone cosmetic and gender reassignment surgeries: Are they more womanly than I am because a doctor enhanced or completely altered the shape and nature of the body parts that Nature and God assigned them?

Is it purely genetic composition, perhaps chromosomal markers, that designate gender? I wouldn't think so for two reasons: 1) gender is more of a social label, whereas sex refers more to scientific classification by chromosomes; and 2) as the above article points out, some "women" don't have standard female chromosomes. We may think of the definitions of the sexes as always being XX or XY, but there are variations where an individual has an extra chromosome -- possibly XXY -- making it more difficult to classify them.

What is it then that makes a woman a woman? I'm tempted to say that it is one's ability to conceive and bear children (since it's the one thing a male can't do), but this has the obvious flaw in that many women, for one reason or another, cannot have children.

This also raises the possibility that maybe, just maybe, we shouldn't define gender as strictly one or the other, black-or-white; being a female isn't merely a lack of male characteristics or the possession of characteristics males lack. Indeed, there's something more.


Photo from the Huffington Post website.

Other questions come to mind as well: Why does it matter whether Caster is a woman? And why is this athlete's gender suddenly being questioned?

It seems the IAAF is so interested in Caster because the athlete is so much faster than other opponents in recent races and has even been breaking her previous records. That this would be so remarkable is confusing to me, since at 18 her body continues to grow, and I'm sure many of these changes would result in increased strength and speed, especially when combined with proper diet and a rigorous training routine.

So what, then? Is it really so odd for a female athlete to demonstrate superior abilities? Or do we prefer that our top female athletes be model material?

I won't even begin to suggest, as many people in the article suggest, that race would be a factor. Babe Didrikson was American, white, and of Norwegian descent -- yet her gender was questioned for years because of her dominance of sports, even putting many prominent male athletes to shame.

So now I think we're getting somewhere. It's not because Caster's black or poor that makes anyone question her gender. It's the combination of her athletic ability and -- let's face it -- downright unfeminine appearance.

But if she were merely unfeminine would we question her gender, or would it even be such a big deal? Heck, I don't think she's very feminine, and in fact I myself question whether she is a woman because of the way her body is storing muscle and the fact that she could use a shave. But it seems that some people (including her competitors) only question it because she is so freakin' talented.

What does this tell us? Well, it tells me two things: 1) society isn't very comfortable with unfeminine women, and 2) there is an idea (even among female athletes) that women cannot compete at the same level as men.

As a woman, I find both deplorable. Then again, I think all sports and athletic competitions should be coed, anyway. I've always thought that smacked of discrimination to separate male and female athletes.

And now we come back to my original question: What is a woman? The only honest answer I can give is that a woman is whatever she makes of herself. If she can only be a woman by possessing stereotypical physical traits, then more power to her. If reproducing is what makes her feel like a woman, then have at it.

As for myself, I'm off to perform my Suzie Homemaker routine -- minus the pearls, heels or makeup, but with lots of punk rock and some accounting lesson reviews to boot.

Untitled Love Poem

**DISCLAIMER: I did not write this. Someone wrote it for me years ago, but he didn't sign it, so I'm not sure exactly who it was (as if I've actually had that many suitors in my life). I came across it today while sorting some papers and thought I'd share it.**


Untitled Poem:

Deep into that hazel Abyss,
I cry out for the imprisoned one!
The one who has chained herself
From the outside.

Those terrible monsters made
Her invert & lock out life's beauty.

Ooh, how I long for her presence...

Maybe if she only knew
That I will protect her from the New Monsters,
And how I will nurse her when
She is sick, pity her when she is poor,
And love her when she is unloved!
-- Anonymous

Was Witty Headline Disrespectful?

The headline ("Human Torch" Had Issues Burning Inside) could have been worse. At least she wasn't accused of perjury in the attempted murder suit, in which case...

...I think you knew where I'm going with this one.

I'm all about comedy and satire and general bad taste from sources like The Onion, but when we're talking about a legitimate news source? It's fine in some cases, like when a local news agency expresses the local population's disapproval of government overstepping its bounds. Particularly in the headline I just referenced, many were outraged that an elderly woman had been arrested for urinating behind a bush when she realized she wouldn't make it to the bathroom in time. The headline, in this case, served as a public reprimand to government officials who'd gone too far.

But in the earlier headline I mention, this was a horrendous act. Countless people watched a woman burn to death, and many people were hurt in the process of trying to help her. To make matters worse, she may have set herself on fire intentionally.

Yes, the headline caught my attention. Yes, I smiled as I registered the wit involved. Does that mean I approve of a legitimate news agency using it? No. It only diminishes their integrity, and identifies NBC Miami as yet another pseudo-journalist organization more interested in ratings and advertised support than in creating thought-provoking, relevant news.

Please, leave the witty headlines to smaller news publications, satire papers, and bloggers.

WANTED: My Ideal Employer

Recent college graduate (Bachelor of Business Administration with concentration in Accounting) seeks employment. Ideal employer will be a quiet, rough- to good-looking, moody male (though female would also be acceptable) possessing a quick wit and ample appreciation of...well...me...and all the talents I have to offer.

I am interested in an all-around assistant position working for a private detective, lawyer, writer, etc. Desired tasks include those associated with conducting witty banter, as well as general secretarial, administrative and clerical functions; in addition, with my education I can easily fill general bookkeeping, accounting, and tax preparation functions as well. I am a very flexible employee and am eager to assume multiple positions in order to provide the best possible service to my employer.

The environment should be reflective of a small, run-down office, perhaps behind a bar, restaurant, or some other completely unrelated business. Dialog should be scanty to nonexistent at times, with bouts of drunken outbursts or my employer seeking advice on how he should be performing his job. Conversations about how I am too gorgeous, intelligent, and witty to be tied to one man should occur on a weekly basis, though drunken advances should be kept to a minimum since I am, in fact, tied to one man.

Travel should be infrequent, though I am willing to accompany my employer on occasional fact-finding, surveillance, or research-related excursions. Hours are strictly limited from 8am-5pm Monday-Friday, though I am willing to accept phone calls (preferably of a drunken, random, and complimentary nature) at all hours; and when able, I am willing to do occasional work outside of my specified hours at time-and-a-half pay plus compensation for babysitting expenses.

All interested parties are encouraged to respond immediately.