I am interested in an all-around assistant position working for a private detective, lawyer, writer, etc. Desired tasks include those associated with conducting witty banter, as well as general secretarial, administrative and clerical functions; in addition, with my education I can easily fill general bookkeeping, accounting, and tax preparation functions as well. I am a very flexible employee and am eager to assume multiple positions in order to provide the best possible service to my employer.
The environment should be reflective of a small, run-down office, perhaps behind a bar, restaurant, or some other completely unrelated business. Dialog should be scanty to nonexistent at times, with bouts of drunken outbursts or my employer seeking advice on how he should be performing his job. Conversations about how I am too gorgeous, intelligent, and witty to be tied to one man should occur on a weekly basis, though drunken advances should be kept to a minimum since I am, in fact, tied to one man.
Travel should be infrequent, though I am willing to accompany my employer on occasional fact-finding, surveillance, or research-related excursions. Hours are strictly limited from 8am-5pm Monday-Friday, though I am willing to accept phone calls (preferably of a drunken, random, and complimentary nature) at all hours; and when able, I am willing to do occasional work outside of my specified hours at time-and-a-half pay plus compensation for babysitting expenses.
All interested parties are encouraged to respond immediately.
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