Was Witty Headline Disrespectful?

The headline ("Human Torch" Had Issues Burning Inside) could have been worse. At least she wasn't accused of perjury in the attempted murder suit, in which case...

...I think you knew where I'm going with this one.

I'm all about comedy and satire and general bad taste from sources like The Onion, but when we're talking about a legitimate news source? It's fine in some cases, like when a local news agency expresses the local population's disapproval of government overstepping its bounds. Particularly in the headline I just referenced, many were outraged that an elderly woman had been arrested for urinating behind a bush when she realized she wouldn't make it to the bathroom in time. The headline, in this case, served as a public reprimand to government officials who'd gone too far.

But in the earlier headline I mention, this was a horrendous act. Countless people watched a woman burn to death, and many people were hurt in the process of trying to help her. To make matters worse, she may have set herself on fire intentionally.

Yes, the headline caught my attention. Yes, I smiled as I registered the wit involved. Does that mean I approve of a legitimate news agency using it? No. It only diminishes their integrity, and identifies NBC Miami as yet another pseudo-journalist organization more interested in ratings and advertised support than in creating thought-provoking, relevant news.

Please, leave the witty headlines to smaller news publications, satire papers, and bloggers.

WANTED: My Ideal Employer

Recent college graduate (Bachelor of Business Administration with concentration in Accounting) seeks employment. Ideal employer will be a quiet, rough- to good-looking, moody male (though female would also be acceptable) possessing a quick wit and ample appreciation of...well...me...and all the talents I have to offer.

I am interested in an all-around assistant position working for a private detective, lawyer, writer, etc. Desired tasks include those associated with conducting witty banter, as well as general secretarial, administrative and clerical functions; in addition, with my education I can easily fill general bookkeeping, accounting, and tax preparation functions as well. I am a very flexible employee and am eager to assume multiple positions in order to provide the best possible service to my employer.

The environment should be reflective of a small, run-down office, perhaps behind a bar, restaurant, or some other completely unrelated business. Dialog should be scanty to nonexistent at times, with bouts of drunken outbursts or my employer seeking advice on how he should be performing his job. Conversations about how I am too gorgeous, intelligent, and witty to be tied to one man should occur on a weekly basis, though drunken advances should be kept to a minimum since I am, in fact, tied to one man.

Travel should be infrequent, though I am willing to accompany my employer on occasional fact-finding, surveillance, or research-related excursions. Hours are strictly limited from 8am-5pm Monday-Friday, though I am willing to accept phone calls (preferably of a drunken, random, and complimentary nature) at all hours; and when able, I am willing to do occasional work outside of my specified hours at time-and-a-half pay plus compensation for babysitting expenses.

All interested parties are encouraged to respond immediately.

Book vs. Kindle

Well, the internet effectively killed the CD and the noble history of the album; now the Kindle (and any competitors that emerge in the near future) is attacking books, which reigned supreme as the primary mode of recording information for millenia.

Thankfully, Green Apple Books is here to monitor the fight-to-the-death as it erupts around the world, pitting father against son, brother against brother, brick-and-mortar book retailer against major global-internet-seller-and-destroyer-of-time-honored-cultural-traditions.

I'm sure you can tell where I stand on the issue.

Without further ado, to follow are the first four of a reportedly ten-part series:


"Where's the book?"


The guy with the book will not be reading alone tonight!
"I never needed a doctor's note for a book!"




"I like to read in bed and I like to sleep in bed."

Inspiration for an updated Home Alone

According to the Birmingham News, two young men in the Birmingham (that's Alabama) area targeted homeowners in upscale neighborhoods based on when they updated their FaceBook accounts that they'd be out of town.

I can see it now: an updated Home Alone where the crooks are lured by the McCallister family's FaceBook announcement that they're all going to [insert popular family vacation destination here] for their summer vacation. Unfortunately, one precocious child is left behind. The real kicker is that Macaulay Culkin will either reprise his role as eight-year old Kevin McCalister, or he can return as the father (either a grown-up Kevin or taking on the role of the original father while the beloved child character continues his pranks and signature shocked expression) who sees the other side of the family drama as he is now the father of an abandoned child. If he plays a grown-up Kevin, we could even get a touching Hollywood moment where the father and son make one final trap for the crooks, thus ensuring a parent-child bonding experience that was absent at the beginning of the movie.

*sighs* It's a great cautionary tale about the dangers of making your profile -- and thus your life -- too public on the internet. Because if you're not careful, Hollywood can -- and will -- bring Home Alone back to punish you for your ways.

Oh, Alice!

The trailer for Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland is finally available on IMDB at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi4240966169. The release date is set for March 5, 2010.

Here's a trailer for the upcoming adaptation entitled Malice in Wonderland, which still has the vague release date of "some time in 2009":




In this version of the tale, Alice is an American student studying in England who is hit by a cab and wakes up in a very different world.

Also rumored to be released in September 2009 is Malice in Lalaland. It's not for everyone, of course. It might not even be for me. Then again, it might...

The following educational short was released last year:

Malice In Wonderland: The Red Queen Theory from Ed Watkins on Vimeo.

In the preceding film Ed Watkins draws on Matt Ridley's The Red Queen Theory and its assumptions on sexuality, psychology, biology, and evolution and combines it with an Alice in Wonderland theme to explain the relationship between parasites and hosts. The Red Queen Theory is itself based on the character in Through the Looking Glass because of her statement of how it was necessary for them to run so fast just to stay in the same place (similar to how we constantly reproduce and evolve/adapt in order to recombine genes and maintain the stability/survival of our species, or so the theory goes).

It's true that there's an adaption of Lewis Carroll's stories every five years or so, but with so many coming out in such a short period, this is certainly one of the best times for someone to cultivate their obsession...er, I mean interest...in all things Alice.