Procrastination Station

Well, it's Tuesday again. I have a lot schoolwork due over the next two days, which means I'm busy doing something else. I don't know why I'm such a horrible procrastinator, but I can't seem to help it.

One of my favorite ways to waste time is visiting www.lileks.com. This site has a hilarious collection of old magazines and ads from the 40s, 50s, and 60s. My favorite spot is the Institute of Official Cheer. On top of the general silliness of the ads themselves, Lilek does a great job with captions and commentary. Most of the pictures and slogans on my MySpace come from there. I'm posting a ton of funny matchbooks there today. You should check it out.

I love that kind of goofy nostalgia. I'm currently collecting old ashtrays, myself. I have two really good ones: one that advertises some gun company, and another one from Holiday Inn. They're both from the 60s. In all I have four ashtrays, which is pretty impressive since I don't even know anyone who smokes.

I also have a slowly expanding collection of coffee mugs. I'm a coffee addict. My mugs are from places I've been: Sequoia National Park, New Orleans, and Gulf Shores. These aren't the only places I've visited, of course; they're just the only ones I bought mugs from. My favorite is the Gulf Shores mug -- it has a pirate on it and reads "Time flies when you're having rum!" Actually, my brother-in-law gave that one to me -- he knows me so well.

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Ah, it's supposed to snow a little here Thursday morning. Looks like it'll be a beautiful Thanksgiving.

Naked? Pumpkins? I'm there!

I just found out that for 9 years now Boulder, CO, has hosted a naked pumpkin run. Sometime late in October men and women doff their clothes, place carefully carved pumpkins on their heads, and race a few blocks through the city. Sounds like my kind of Halloween fun -- too bad we missed it.

You can see pictures of this year's race at: http://www.dailycamera.com/photos/galleries/2007/oct/31/9th-annual-naked-pumpkin-run/. Enjoy!

Kicin' Ass for New Orleans

So I found this comic while wanderin' around this mornin'. It's about a kid who...I dunno, I guess he gains some form of immortality just before the Civil War breaks out, and he becomes the undead guardian of New Orleans.

Image from http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d1/Voodoo_Child_no_1.png.

Then the story jumps forward to post-Katrina New Orleans. He's kickin' ass for the Crescent City, my birthplace. That's exactly what that town needs...!

But he's part Creole, I guess, and I'm gonna have to learn a little French so I can follow it better. I can do Russian and Spanish just fine, but French has always been a little over my head. I need a tutor.

History Repeats Itself [OR] I Hope This Doesn't Give Him Any Ideas

When I heard the news this morning, I thought I'd been caught in a time warp. Check out these opening sentences from the BBC:

Pakistan's military chief has named himself the country's leader, defying international pressure to restore democratic rule after the army toppled the civilian government.

Correspondents say that although the official announcement does not say it in so many words, for practical purposes this marks the declaration of martial law in Pakistan.

The declaration of a state of emergency came in the early hours of Friday morning. At the same time, General Pervez Musharraf assumed the position of the country's chief executive.

That article is dated October 15, 1999. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/low/south_asia/475354.stm)

Here's an article from today:

Pakistan's President Pervez Musharraf has declared emergency rule and suspended the country's constitution.

Troops have been deployed inside state-run TV and radio stations, while independent channels have gone off air.

Chief Justice Iftikhar Chaudhry, who condemned the moves, has reportedly been sacked and is being confined to the Supreme Court with 10 other judges.

It comes as the court was due to rule on the legality of Gen Musharraf's re-election victory in October

(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7076670.stm).

Sound familiar? President Musharraf seems to be a man prone to hijacking the government whenever things aren't going his way. Our Secretary of State has been trying to prevent this move (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/11/03/pakistan.emergency/index.html?iref=newssearch); what, you can't stave it off at home, so you promote democracy vicariously through other world leaders?

Our own President Bush has noted the advantages of dictatorship: "A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it" (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/george_w_bush.html); I just hope he's not getting any ideas from this...

I am so relieved that, for the most part, our own Constitution has protected us from such abuses of power. We, too, are in a precarious state, and at times Congress and the Supreme Court are all that stand between our version of democracy and a pure dictatorship.

Congress? The current Supreme Court? Ok, now I'm getting worried...

A Lost Art [OR] The Delusional Ravings of OCD?

I was at the checkout at my local grocery store the other day, when I experienced -- again -- the horror that is...modern-day bagging. I'm pretty sure baggers used to be trained -- and even took pride in -- the art of bagging groceries (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7080956).

Put frozen foods together. Don't squish the bread. Don't put raw meat and produce together. For the love of God, don't put all the cans in one bag (or at least double-bag it)!

Those are just a few of the rules I thought everyone knew about bagging groceries(http://scholar.lib.vt.edu/VA-news/VA-Pilot/issues/1996/vp960410/04100412.htm). Apparently, now that the checker is also usually the bagger, this kind of logic has gone out the window.

For everyone's convenience, and in an attempt to prevent these modern-day grocery faux pas, I sort my groceries as I load them onto the conveyor belt: all my perishables are grouped together, the meat and produce are kept separate, and the bread goes on last so it won't get squished (http://www.weeno.com/art/0799/95.html). My checker either has never been grocery shopping before (quite possible, as he looked relatively young and inexperienced), or has something against me: several boxes of frozen waffles were split up and mixed in with dry pasta; one condom-thin plastic bag was packed with cans and jars of pasta sauce until it split; the soy milk was packed on its side and crushed a few containers of yogurt; and my bread got squished.

As I walked through the parking lot to my car, I thought about how this episode ranked in relation to other changes in my life. Like the fact that I drive a minivan (like a bat outta hell, baby!). Or the fact that I don't spend all my weekends getting drunk...and stuff...and I don't really have a desire to anymore. Or the fact that I'm starting to think that people ought to take personal responsibility for things, and not wait for the government to do it for them; I might even be a Libertarian. I'm going to school to be an accountant. I don't like most new music, I don't follow the latest Hollywood Whorer stories (yes, I meant to do that), and I despise "reality" television. I think we ought to spend more resources on protecting the unborn citizens of our country, rather than on those folks who come here illegally. My hand gets a weird cramp-like feeling when I pick things up lately, and my joints (especially my knees) get really stiff when I sit too long -- I hope it's not arthritis. Thirteen year old girls show more cleavage than I do, and I'm tired of guys staring at my boobs or my ass: look a little higher -- I've got a whole lot more to offer up here!

I think I'm getting old. Or conservative. I'm not sure which is worse.

Another Blonde Moment

I used to think the only dumb blondes were the ones whose brains had been damaged from all that bleach and hair dye. As I got older I realized that even true blondes, like myself, have really dumb moments; maybe it's because we get a "pass" on having true responsibility or because people really do hold us to lower standards -- I don't know. Yeah, blondes can (and often do) have more fun, but as an endangered minority (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2284783.stm) I think we should be given special protections -- scholarships, minority status, etc -- that are provided to other so-called minority groups that are in less danger of extinction, and who are certainly not overwhelmingly seen as inherently stupid or morally deficient anymore.

But I digress.

I was having trouble with my new flashdrive yesterday -- I could save an initial copy of a file and access all my files, but I couldn't save any changes; I kept getting the error message that the disk was either full or write-protected. Now, I just got this flashdrive, and a simple check confirmed that I had almost complete available memory. If the drive was write-protected, this could mean only one thing: the files were corrupted and my flashdrive is broken, probably beyond repair.

Now, let me tell you about this flashdrive, 'cause I think it's the steal of the century. It's made by Nextar, and it's a flashdrive/voice recorder/mp3 player/FM tuner, and it has 1GB storage -- and I got it for about $20 at Wal-Mart. I don't know a whole lot about technological gizmos, but I think it's fucking awesome.

Not if it's broke, though. If the drive is broken, it just becomes a walkman. I don't need a walkman, I need a flashdrive -- I take online classes and I travel a lot, so I need a portable storage device for my homework.

So here's where the dumb blonde moment comes in. A lot of techie devices that run on batteries have a "hold" switch to keep the device from turning on when it's in your backpack so the batteries don't drain down. I'm a firm believer in not wasting batteries (or of wasting in general), so I switched the "hold" button on when I packed it with my other things. And because the ultra-thin barely-comprehensible owner's manual didn't warn me, I had no idea that this would not keep me from accessing files, but it would prevent me from making changes to the drive. After a lot of research on write-protection and this USB in particular, and changing batteries and trying to reformat the disk and just about anything I could think of, I was about ready to throw this piece of crap in the trash.

That's when I took a close look at my new toy and noticed the "hold" switch again. Sure enough, I was able to access my files and make changes to them, too. Ah, I love my new flashdrive!

A Lifetime of Crap

Frank Warren has a new book out called A Lifetime of Secrets. He got tons of people to send him stories or secrets they've never told anyone else, and now he's making money off the book. Hey, why don't you pour your heart out to me so I can make money off your secrets -- how lazy is that?

Better yet, do it: tell me all your dirty little secrets. I'll post them right here, for free.

Craig for President

I don't mean to keep harping on Senator Craig. I have nothing against people who are gay, people who won't come out of the closet, people who are gay but get married to women and have families and generally pretend they're not gay, or people who simply aren't gay but sometimes get accused of it.

I don't even have anything against people who disapprove of other people being gay, as long as they don't try to push their lifestyle choices on other people.

I don't even have that much of a problem with people getting caught soliciting sex in men's bathrooms. Personally, I don't think the men's room is a very sexy place, but...to each his (or her) own.

What I do have a problem with is people who don't keep their word, or who word things in such a way that they can later say, "What I said was..."

I was watching Peter Pan (the Disney version) with my daughter this weekend, and realized how much Captain Hook reminds me of Senator Craig -- not his inappropriate obsession with young boys, mind you, but his willingness to bend the truth to his own gain. Sure, Captain Hook won't lay a finger (or a hook) on Peter Pan, but he will send the boy who never grew up a bomb; likewise, Senator Craig may have intended to resign at the end of last month, but now he's decided to serve the remainder of his term.

So, let's get our story straight, Senator Craig. First, you intend to resign at the end of September. Then, you decide that you'll try this legal maneuver based on arguments that the average American citizen could not even hope to try, and that a United States senator should not have been ignorant enough to fall victim to -- and then, if it is not resolved at the end of the month, you'll resign. The judge won't make his decision till the first week in October? No harm staying in office a few more days to find out the ruling, right?

But here's the kicker: the judge denied your motion. Your perfectly legal, not-given-under-duress guilty plea stands. An honorable man would abide by his word and step down -- for the good of his state and for the good of his party -- but you've decided to serve the remainder of your term.

At least you promise not to run for that office again. So what's next? Governor of Idaho? I hear his political reputation is marred by his support of a certain scandalous politician. Chairman of GOP? They're probably looking for anyone who can grab headlines. President of the United States? Hey, we've seen worse...

What was I thinking, saying what an honorable man would do in your position? An honorable man would never solicit sex in a men's bathroom!

Keeping Abreast of the Medical Profression [OR] Ignorance is Bliss

I caught a few seconds of a story on CNN about the makers of a genetics test for breast cancer possibly getting sued by a local prosecutor for fear mongering. CNN.com doesn't have this story posted yet, so I found an older story you can check out: http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-8790154_ITM.

Basically, this company developed the BRAC analysis test, which screens for the BRC1 and BRC2 genes, which have been linked to breast and ovarian cancers. If you have a family history of either type of cancer, you probably ought to be tested, right?

You might think so if you saw their ad, but this isn't necessarily true. Having this genetic mutation may put you up to 80% more likely to develop cancer, but they only cause a very small portion of cancers diagnosed. Most health insurance companies don't cover the test, which costs several thousand dollars. The main concern here is that only a very small percentage of women actually need the test, and Myriad's ads could cause many more women to pay a lot of money for a test they don't need.

And what about the unnecessary worry this causes? Breast cancer is probably the single biggest fear most women have (even though heart disease is the top ladykiller). We don't need to be concerned about getting an unnecessary test, or worrying about how to pay for it.

And if you take the test and find out you do have the gene? The 80% chance of cancer may not be right; it's probably clser to 50%. Even if it is, what do you do now, while you're still cancer-free? Daily self-exams? Surgery to biopsy every knot you find? Mastectomy?

And what do you think will happen when insurance companies find out you carry a gene that may or may not lead to cancer? Your insurance rates will go up. Getting a new life or health insurance policy may be next to impossible.

I'm all about self-education and empowering patients, but hand-picking which facts you choose to tell people can be dangerous. The medical arena needs to be motivated by ethics and healing, not by profits. The proposal to have this test ought to be initiated by a doctor who understands the test, the pros and cons, and the patient's risk factors, not by a company who needs to increase customers to increase its profits.

These genes are only responsible for a very small number of cancers, so obviously monthly self-exams, annual check-ups, and mammograms are your best bet for diagnosing cancer. From what I understand, the BRAC analysis can't diagnose existing cancer; it will only tell you that some day -- maybe tomorrow, maybe in 20 years -- you might get breast cancer.

Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

My Eyes Deceive Me [OR] I Hate My New Eye Doctor

So, I moved not too long ago. I needed new glasses, so I went to the first doc on my insurance's list. Nice guy -- we had a real good chat, and I felt comfortable getting my exam. If only the dentist could be this pleasant.

The only problem was that my prescription is not right.

The first few days after I got my new lenses, everything was at a crazy angle. OK, I thought, so my astigmatism is being corrected. That's always fun.

That's not all, though. Everything is out of focus. When I close my right eye, everything looks fine; when I close my left eye, everything gets blurry.

Obviously, he got my right eye wrong. Or maybe the company that made my lenses got my lenses wrong. I called my eye doc to find out which was which, and his office said to wait another week and give my eyes time to adjust.

Another week?! It's never taken more than a few hours for my eyes to adjust to a new prescription, no matter how drastic the change was.

My eyes hurt. I can't concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time on my homework/work. I can't look people in the face because it hurts my eyes to distinguish all the contours and 3-D stuff, so it looks like I have Asperger's Syndrome or something. I really shouldn't be driving, but I've driven in more altered states before, and besides -- there are things that just need to get done. I'm only typing this because I'm that damn good and can type (for the most part) without looking.

This sucks.

Cruisin' in the Bathroom

So, Senator Craig was arrested for wiggling his foot in a men's restroom stall. And that's a sign that he wants to get it on? Maybe I'm too subtle, then...

Gee, I thought the whole underground-anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-bathroom thing was just an urban legend started by the likes of Hunter S. Thompson. The girls' room on the third floor of the library at my old campus advertised anonymous girl-on-girl action, but I thought it was a joke -- then again, the 5th floor was a famous setting for gay internet porn...Glad I never stumbled on any of those scenes!....Or maybe not....?

Anyways, so he gets caught wiggling his foot, and he thinks pleading guilty will make it all go away? What a doofus...You can read the police report at http://i.a.cnn.net/cnn/2007/images/08/28/craig.incident.report.pdf. The description of the incident starts on p.5.